just some average guy with an interesting life

quite a few times she had to ask
him why he was
so shy

He thought it was just
normal to be
shy on a first date
no matter how many other dates you've
been on with other girls

He was afraid of getting
too deep into
relationships, mainly because girls didn't
like guys who still lived
with their parents

He lived with his
who worked as a butcher
His clothes were always stained by blood
and smelled of salt and iron
but worst of all
was that he
was drunk more often than not

About thirty minutes into
the date his phone
rang and he excused himself to
answer. It was his father

"Listen buddy. I kinda need your

"Dad, I kinda need you to understand that
I can't save your ass every time
you get in trouble thanks
to your drinking. I'm busy
right now."

"Oh? Too busy to help
your old man?"


"No, no, no, wait! Listen. It's just
a simple thing this time. You just have to
tell the police that your
father is a butcher and that the
eyeball they found in his rectum belongs to
a pig and not a human being, okay?"

"Dad, what the fuck?"


He hung up
walked back to the table
sat down

"Problems?" his date asked.

"No, no. My father asked for
a ride. I told him I can't right now. It's
okay though. Nothing urgent or

"Father, huh? Must be nice having one."

"Oh, you don't…?"

She smiled. "Nevermind that. But anyway,
speaking of fathers, you think you'll
be a good one?"


"Cuz I surely won't be the best
mother. See, I just found out days ago
that my ex-boyfriend got me
pregnant. You think
you'll be a good daddy?"

"Um… I think my dad's calling

56 thoughts on “just some average guy with an interesting life

Add yours

        1. Oh, absolutely!
          So, first thing you’ll need is a TON of drugs and alcohol. Then you summon the devil and strike a deal for the price of your soul…

          :))) ok, but seriously now, there’s nothing special about this writing. It’s exactly like when you draw wacky caricatures as a kid and then laugh at them, just because it’s fun. It really works by the same principle, only raise the themes to adult level.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. If I keep reading you, I’m going to need counseling or a priest. This is the first time in my life I’ve ever envisioned an eyeball in my rectum. And the chick sitting across the table… she’s another eerie story waiting to be told.

    My talented friend.

    Liked by 2 people

        1. Well, since somebody takes the time and effort to view the post and leave a comment, it just feels right to reply, if only to show them that their efforts have not gone unnoticed and are highly appreciated.

          So thanks again (˵╹⌣╹˵)


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