the ashtray was looking more and more like a sick hedgehog and her yellowed fingers added one more quill to it she sat back in her chair work wasn't in the best of stages lately and her office looked like a junkie's trailer. You could scrape the nicotine off the walls. In fact, she would get nicotine under her nails if she just scratched her skin anywhere But otherwise she was a beauty and that was a problem. Beautiful women have the worst luck in marriages The husband left and the two girls went with him They were sick and tired of her habit to consume more cigarette smoke than oxygen And drinking was also a problem though not nearly as big The worst drinking has ever done to her was to make her lose the driving license which she never bothered to take back The real problem was, as always, a lack of money. If the damn phone didn't ring soon she would have to kill someone for a pack of cigarettes Assuming she could still kill someone with her body rotting from the inside. She was fine with breast cancer but now lung cancer joined too and it was by far nastier Still that was all right It doesn't take a healthy body to pull a trigger And speaking of triggers She opened a drawer in her desk took out the gun studied it Not loaded She browsed through the drawer Only one bullet left. One single bullet. These things cost money too Damn it But it's like they said back in the mercenary camp The last bullet is always preserved to be used on the self She loaded the bullet into the gun A life lived well is one lived without regrets and without ever asking for mercy or feeling sorry for yourself At 39 she had that. There was nothing else to be taken away from it She put the gun to her temple Smiled "Except for a final smoke."
Very descriptive and original. A character and a life evoked in few words.
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┌( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ Thank you!
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Great poetic piece!
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Aw, thanks ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
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Powerful story. Loved the analogy of the ashtray/ hedgehog. Very observant.
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( •◡•) Thanks!
I’ve seen a lot of overloaded ashtrays in my life (none of them mine though :))
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This tale is woven skillfully, utterly picturesque and fascinating. 🖤
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(๑>◡<๑) Oh, thanks a lot, Carter 🙂
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The analogy between the ashtray and a sick hedgehog is my favorite part.
Just when the reader thinks they know the extent of her addiction they realize she can’t even stop smoking while she shoots herself in the head. The ending is as intense as it is morbid.
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(◕‿◕) Thank you!
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Wow. Just wow. Described an entire life in a few short paragraphs. Beautiful.
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(◉ܫ◉) Very glad you enjoyed it. Thanks!
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Interesting character study, with vivid images. Death becomes her.
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Thank you! (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑
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You’re welcome.
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Wow
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(๑>◡<๑) Thanks!
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Amazing piece ❤️
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(。^‿^。) Glad to know you liked it.
Thank you 🙂
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🙂🙂
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Poor lady. 😢
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Yep, but she would accept no pity
ლ(╹◡╹ლ)
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I knew about a guy who shot himself in the head after his girlfriend left him, but he missed. He ended up in a nursing home at only 35-40 years of age, unable to take care of his most basic needs.
I hope it gave him a chance to find The Lord before he would eventually die.
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( ⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃ Yep, something tells me he did find the Lord…
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😃
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This is excellent. Loved the hedgehog metaphor. The poem is a bit Hemingway-esque to me in all the best ways. Bravo!
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(◉ ᴗ ◉) Oh, thank you 🙂
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Fantastic poem. You paint a very dramatic picture of a sad life.
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(人 •͈ᴗ•͈) Thank you!
Some lives are simply too intense to be long, I guess 🙂
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“Trailers junkie” I should copy that one🙊
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39?!? Wow! That is truly heartrendingly sad and hopeless.
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( う・U・) う Yep, some people like to live life in the fast lane 🙂
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I lived there once. Fortunately it was not quite as dire as your heroine’s llife. It did burn me out pretty bad though.
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Oh yeah, some people also find a way out :))
Glad to know you’re one of them, Joseph. Congratulations!
(*◕‿◕*)
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🙂
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This is excellently written and has a very powerful impact. Breathtaking✨
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( ^◡^)っ Oh, thank you. Much appreciated 🙂
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It’s my pleasure😊
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Very film noir.
Cool stuff.
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That’s kinda how I imagined the scene in my head. Black and white and with some dark jazz playing in the background.
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Wow that’s dark but in an amazing way, great stuff right here!
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(>^_^)> Thanks!
I’m all about the dark stuff 😁
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This is so poignant. Thoroughly captivating.
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Thank you!
ヘ( ^o^)ノ\(^_^ )
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🙏🏾cheers
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Is this based on a true story? I hope she can get some Prozac and find her footings.
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Oh, it’s too late for Prozac
ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿(◡︵◡)
But no, this is not based on any true story. It’s just some silly daydream put into words :))
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It’s a beautiful story on a sad subject. I wish I can write something completely out of my imagination, but I can’t. I can only write things that are based on true events and truly existing people. I am quite limited in this way.
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ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Well, I guess the more you read the more ideas that come seemingly out of nowhere you’ll have 🙂
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Your poem makes an interesting character sketch.
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٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و Thank you!
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Nice not to have to scroll all the way down….
So good this one Bogdan…….
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( o˘◡˘o) Thanks!
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Hey, I featured this in my monthly feature here;
https://wordeologist.wordpress.com/2021/02/27/the-saturday-symphony-23-addict/
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( ノ^ ω ^)ノ゚ Thank you!
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I like this “lt doesn’t take a healthy body to pull a trigger”.
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““”̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿’̿’̵͇̿̿з=(●‿●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿’““
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